The longer I work, the more I realise that Murphy was probably a farmer. The following points are all based on personal experience. If you have had some of your own experiences with good old Murphy, let me know in the comments section and we'll add them to the list!
1. The seed cleaner that has run just fine for the last four hours while you carefully watched it, blocks up and spills grain everywhere when you duck behind the tractor for a quick leak.
2. The store's freezer out the back only dies after you fill it with meat, and you only notice after it begins to smell...two weeks later.
3. The fewer trees in the paddock, the more likely it is the chaser bin driver will wipe off his auger on one.
4. If you drive around with your 4WD hubs in, you'll never get look like getting bogged. If you drive around with your 4WD hubs out to save wear, you will bury the vehicle up to the bonnet, making it impossible to put them in.
5. The ute you leave parked in the sun for three days will have had a mouse die in it four days earlier. (NOTE: No number of scented car fragrance trees will cover the smell of four-day-old baked dead mouse.)
6. Nothing wrecks your day like wire around the tail shaft. And it's always in the prickliest, thorniest most double-gee-infested part of the paddock.
7. A water trough in an unused paddock that's held water just fine all winter will suddenly let go the day before the hottest day of summer. And it's the last one you check when the tank's empty.
8. When auguring grain or sheep pellets, no matter where you stand, the resulting itchy, sneezey dust will always blow towards you.
9. Just as you've come in for the day, sat down, knocked the top of the first beer and had dinner put in front of you, the phone rings. It's always for you.
10. When receiving stock into the depot, no trucks will appear all morning; then, when you decide to have lunch, six roll in at the same time.
11.The neighbour will always have better crop yields / sale price / lambing percentages. Unless there’s a drought: then he'll have worse crop yields / sale price / lambing percentages.
12. The missing spanner in the set is always the one you need.
13. The water runs out just as the fire jumps the break.
14. The starter rope breaks just as the fire jumps the road. (NOTE: Always pack a spare starter rope and a 10mm spanner.)
15. When filling the 1,000-litre fuel trailer from the 4,000-litre overhead fuel tank, never leave it unattended. The minute you do either, the hose falls out or you forget about it.
16. The one time you forget to lock up the chickens at night is the one time the sheepdog breaks his chain.
17. The bigger the droplet of hot slag, the more likely it is to fall down the front of your boot.
18. If the cattle get into your houseyard, they will always pick your favourite shrub to scratch themselves on and destroy.
19. The less expensive the guard you fail to notice has worn away, the more expensive the part it was protecting.
20. The more land burnt and dry-seeded, the stronger the pre-frontal winds before winter's first rain.
21. Whoever suffers from allergies the worst is automatically the designated hay-baler operator.
22. The dog that yaps all night stays silent in the yards.
23. A sheepdog only leans on your back on the motorbike after he's had a swim in the trough.
24. The day somebody borrows your ute's jack is the day you get a flat.
25. The one year you decide not to put in a crop is the one year that breaks all rainfall, yield and grain price records. As in, highest ever.
26. You can have your spare tyre floating about the back of the ute for months, but the day you decide to stow it under the tray is the day you get a flat.
27. Windmills that work all year break on New Year's Day in 45 degrees Celsius heat.
28. Everything breaks the day you drive out the gate on holidays.
Editor's note: These humourous observations were first published as Golden Rules of Farming in Michael's excellent blog Farmer's Way Of Life. As soon as we read it, we knew we had to have him guest blog for us. If you enjoy his cheeky sense of humour and writing style, make sure to keep an eye out for his upcoming novel WYDJAWANNA STATION, which Michael successfully crowd-funded through Kickstarter. You can read a sample of the book for free here.